Tag Archives: death

art. coma. hangover.

I planned to write, I planned to paint. I planned to do anything other than nothing. Sometimes it’s harder than it sounds.

The constant ache to create is endless; desperate, fluttering birds in my gut. Each time a bird is set free through self expression, the whole world seems just a little more tolerable, slightly less crushing. And, the beauty of it all becomes so obvious.

But, sometimes they get stuck, when life (or doubt) blocks the road, strangles the flow. The sky gets dark, the stars go out, years pass. Half the birds die, the rest hide and I get sick on rotten feathers.

The storms eventually pass and I see a hint of burning sun in the distance. I feel the birds scrambling to escape as the doors to my soul creek open, slow as mud. They tear out of me like zombies, painful and bloody.

My instinct is to push back the mutilated mess before it stumbles and splats onto my paper or canvas. But I have to let it be, let the resurrection begin. So, I’ll suffer through this ugly purging and force myself to get it all out.

One by one, each bird will be livelier. Sharp bones will grow skin and soft, soft feathers. And one day, it will all be so satisfying again.



There’s an owl
In my midnight window
He haunts me, as a child
He hunts me
His eyes follow my fair hair
A beacon in the thin
Shadows of home

Shoved from naive sleep
By such a gentle wind
Stirred by the motion
Of sneaking wings
I jump from bed
And creep
Through his familiar gape
Hands splayed
Wide on the wall
Tracing my escape
Over velvet roses
And fleur de lis

With a hidden cage
He traps us
The lock is my spirit
Swallowed whole
Like a mouse
Through an unhinged
Snake jaw
Feathers stifle me
Deep into black star light
We jump and fall
Like pianos
And crash
In a screaming opus
At the bottom of the sea

Lost from
His sight and he
From mine
In the wreckage
Of dreaming
I sink low for hours
Covered in nesting
And bird bones
Lulled by a charming
Death wish
In the softness
Of my ripe mind
I hang on
A midnight déjà vu
From the tip of
A crescent moon
And anticipate
The voice, the hoot
The howl he’ll become
In his search for my
Easy grave

My captor and savior
Liberate me from your
Shallow nightmare
Lift us up
To a daydream
Wake me
On solid clouds
And cradle my
Dizzy head
Until I cough dirt
With the sunrise
And can disregard your
Ghostly visage
As It simply fades
In the flood of day

grave colors, day and night



My flesh among stars
Is transparent and thin
I am the alien
With my wide eyes
And pale skin

Am I peeking out
Or peering in?

Floating and disarmed
Lost are my sugary words
And sleepy charm

How far have I gone?

Too eager to let go
To drift in the dark
Both occupied and stark
Relieved to be
Taken apart


Death knocked softly on my door
So early this morning
I was aware of him for hours
And of the dawn
Rising syrup-slow
Behind his him

I wished for shades with my coffee
A respite from the dismal umbrella
But Death is no provider
We stepped under it
Arm in arm
And ventured out
Hungry children
Casting our sickly green shadows
Across the pallid face
Of daylight

The roads crumple and ignite
Like flash paper
In our wake
The pious sun closes in
Flared and spitting
Like a firebird
A whole world
Thrashing against our leisure

He leaves me
At dusk
Dressed in pearls and sorrow
Head swimming
In poison waters of longing
And far
Days from home
The living earth at my heels
Out for blood
And vengeance for his sins

Night falls
And I
Unburdened of faith
Masked and mourning my release
Wait once more
For dear Death to taunt me
To rouse me from my fever dreams
And show me something real


You are another dimension
A world of your own

And I
A buoyant space case
Drawn into your atmosphere

A stray asteroid
Torn up in the alien air

I fall as a pile of shards
A busted window on your shore

Salty waves devour my splintered bones
Your crooked grin seeps into
My cracked glass soul

Jagged stones grind against what’s left
You taste me, broken

Disgust and sweet relief
Like sour stars
Popping in your gullet

A swimming explosion down low
Blasting through a chasm of

Banging my soggy molecules
Into the electric walls of your belly

You are the world
A God of my own

And I am lost inside you
Decades ago

Writhing and unreal